[0.0s] previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[60.6s] flickering light up ahead of you said shadows have you seen figures in the
[67.7s] trees or things just outside of your vision that when you turn they're gone
[71.3s] no we don't believe in any such sort of child stories I just want you to
[76.8s] know that idea of these are stories we tell our children's things like
[81.9s] that don't exist that's going to get you killed you hear screaming and you
[87.5s] see standing amidst the rubble of this tent close to what you could presume
[93.2s] 15 foot tall gorilla like creature it turns and it looks to your group its
[100.7s] eyes flash a deep dark red
[107.0s] welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons we're D&D fifth edition actual play
[110.3s] podcast and I'm your dungeon master Russ More and with me today is Tom Laird
[115.0s] hey that's me I play Flint Firebeard and Carla Maxted that's me I play is it
[121.9s] Lex it is right now let's see if it sticks and Amy More I think that's me
[128.7s] I play Sia Amastasia and back with us today a very special guest from the
[132.8s] crit show it's rev hi I'm playing margaret broadcloak now rev you play
[139.9s] on the crit show yes you run games and you play games
[144.2s] tell us a little bit about the crit show and what our listeners could expect
[147.6s] when they come and when they come and just pop in yeah so the crit show is
[152.1s] an actual play podcast of course and we focus on monster of the week and
[156.3s] other powered by the apocalypse games in the first season the hunters
[161.1s] discover they have to go to other worlds to kind of get all the things
[164.2s] they need and so our mechanic now is that when they go to a different
[167.6s] world it's a different powered by the apocalypse game and so they get to
[171.0s] experience all these different games that exist by all these smaller
[174.8s] publishers or independent publishers and one of the big things we kind of
[179.3s] focus on is that in the first three or four episodes of that game system we
[184.7s] want to make sure you walk away know how to playing it
[187.2s] it's awesome it's a it's a lot of fun I really like that
[190.3s] because we don't describe how to play anything but we it's kind of like
[193.9s] a what not to do if you that's good it is we are
[198.1s] instructive in a way just don't do what we learn how to actually play the game
[202.5s] so if you feel like you're missing something from dumps and dragons
[205.8s] go check out the crit show don't leave us entirely but
[209.6s] it's okay to to let your eyes wander no but please do because you put on
[213.4s] an amazing show I haven't listened to all of them yet
[215.7s] because I also only recently just met you when we recorded for
[218.5s] dm to gm yes but uh but yeah it's amazing
[222.0s] the whole team's fun I highly suggest going to check it out
[225.9s] where you can check out some other things is over on Patreon Patreon.com
[229.3s] dumb dragon cast and when you are a patron you get an episode dedicated to
[232.9s] you not can it's not an it's it's a thing it's not an
[235.9s] optional we will dedicate to you whether you want this to or not
[239.8s] you know what and we we're going to say it as happy as we can so today's
[244.1s] patron that we are dedicating an episode two is creighton's underscore
[248.7s] raven creighton's raven thank you raven that's fun that's awesome
[253.8s] thank you and now fuck it let's play dnd I thought for sure
[260.6s] amy was gonna make a that's so raven joke but whatever
[264.2s] miss the boat it's the boat that's too late and he already said your
[267.8s] opportunity starting words now it's gone host
[271.5s] you are in the middle of a clearing you have just seen
[275.3s] this monstrous huge beast in front of you
[279.3s] horned long tail gorilla like figure and
[286.2s] margaret you see it disappear as you are charged by several
[294.0s] hippo faced apes pink and gray i'll give you said it was red and
[300.8s] gray red and black is what you said orange
[303.5s] and black is what i wrote down in orange
[306.9s] and black they're they're multicolored it's a rainbow of
[310.4s] apopotamuses calico they're calico hippo face monk the red and gray is the is
[315.6s] the ass of the ape red gray black orange
[320.9s] green blue i've got all the colors there now
[324.2s] i can just cut in the ones i need um i'll give you
[327.8s] you're on the edge there i am three a beat
[331.3s] there's running there's screaming there's mayhem the the
[334.5s] settlement uh people that you've come across
[337.4s] they don't seem very organized at all um some of them are screaming in on fire
[343.1s] some of them are running for their lives others are trying to grab
[346.4s] nervously their weapons i'll give you three a beat to kind of arrange
[349.6s] yourselves and then we'll roll for an issue
[351.1s] i'm curious as to being on the outside of this when the
[354.9s] big creature disappears do i see anything different being having
[362.5s] an outsider's perspective we're gonna we're gonna zoom out
[368.6s] oh um you were busy focusing on the army out of your periphery or the
[375.6s] soldiers out here whatever you were seeing out of your periphery
[378.7s] um as you see this flash and the tents start to go you see the
[385.4s] shoulder of this this ape kind of appear out of the tent
[391.4s] like it was inside and the the tent burns around it
[396.0s] you catch the horn coming up over another tent
[400.2s] and a blast of lightning goes as you hear
[405.0s] um coming from different sides of this clearing
[408.1s] um the sound of grunts and and they're coming out of the forest
[414.3s] they're coming out of the forest and as you see this you see this
[419.2s] burst of lightning go and almost like it as it goes
[427.4s] it seemingly to you pulls the the creature in the center of this
[433.5s] clearing along with it like it's being
[437.4s] like beamed up like the lightning like comes out
[441.4s] of what you could presume is its mouth but then as it kind of dissipates the
[447.5s] beast follows behind it disapperating as it
[451.6s] as it fizzles is there anything left in the spot where it was
[455.8s] uh there's the burning village you're not close enough to see anything
[460.0s] fire lots of fire screaming and fire lots of fire people on fire
[463.6s] okay sorry i was going to give the three of you a beat
[466.7s] to discuss arrange and then we'll roll
[470.8s] so in the moment before this thing vanishes and i actually get
[474.6s] eyes on it is there anything about it that looks
[477.6s] familiar that i understand um to try to figure out what it is or
[482.7s] might be make a nature check uh 17 you recognize parts of it
[489.3s] obviously they're the the hands and the build of it
[493.2s] seem very ape like the the joining of all of these different
[499.0s] features of it seems very unnatural to you
[503.1s] um throughout your travels you would have heard of the fae
[509.1s] whether you've been there or not well you tell me have you ever been to the
[513.0s] fae i think that i have dealt with a few
[515.6s] but i don't think i've physically been there
[517.8s] all right so you know that in the faith from the stories that you've
[521.4s] heard from those that you've interacted with is that not
[526.3s] everything is as as it is here in the material plane
[531.0s] some things are mixed up and unnatural as we would see it
[537.8s] um but that's what this in this moment kind of
[541.2s] reminds you of is more of a a fae being
[545.0s] rather than a being of the material plane
[549.2s] Lex and flint you are awoken and you come out and you see kind of just
[552.5s] the aftermath of this now the the the eight hippos charging
[556.6s] towards you margaret's floating with her
[559.4s] boots thea's nowhere to be seen at the moment
[563.0s] what do you do uh you mentioned people were
[566.6s] on fire i did maybe mention that yeah some uh it's
[572.6s] because the the tent where the beast was seen
[576.8s] erupted in flames and the flames are starting to spread
[579.9s] um the people who ran from there were a couple people who ran from
[584.2s] who seemingly survived um they're on fire they're kind of rolling around
[588.7s] some of them are being patted out so they're frantically taking care of each
[594.4s] other uh not necessarily well i was going to
[599.0s] say is there anyone that i can like wrap a blanket around and stop them
[604.6s] from being on fire sure you you run off to do you run off
[608.8s] to uh someone who's frantically screaming
[612.2s] their clothing is on fire you tell me what you do do you
[616.2s] full-body tackle them uh it's not really a full-body tackle but it's in
[619.9s] that realm of things but it's like blanket first like you get a
[625.4s] a jumping hug if you will i like it uh Lex i think i am just going to
[633.2s] um probably pull out my great sword and get ready to
[639.5s] fight these creatures that seem to be attacking like i want to protect these
[643.3s] sort of hapless villager people that are these dumb
[647.3s] dumbs who've got themselves into a stupid situation you know they're rusty
[650.9s] gardening shears or whatever they've got i don't think that's gonna
[654.1s] so charging towards you you see seven medium size so we're going to say
[660.4s] like four to five feet tall ape hippos and
[666.6s] apes and two larger so they're probably more
[677.8s] six or seven feet very burly charging towards you everybody roll
[681.8s] for initiative oh my god uh you have to roll another 20 you
[688.2s] can uh no that's a one it's not technically
[692.1s] at least it was wasted on an initiative it's true oh well
[695.5s] it's only a six i rolled a four i rolled a one amy 17 so proud
[704.0s] also 17 17 who has the higher decks that modifier surely must be flint
[711.0s] um plus three for modifier yes
[715.4s] it's not she's not a spry betty white type no no
[719.0s] she wears her age well but it gets in the joint sometimes
[722.5s] her hips don't lie we didn't really say how big this clearing was but we'll say
[727.4s] it's 60 feet full across so you're right in the middle 30 feet
[731.3s] apes are charging towards you from uh mostly from
[735.4s] the north as margaret would know um a couple smaller ones coming uh from
[743.4s] the south you kind of do a quick scans
[745.9s] so how many did i say there were six and two
[749.2s] you said there was seven medium and two large you know what i should write this
[753.1s] shit down you should because you know carla's doing it
[755.7s] he was gonna go with six carla you said there was five
[758.9s] yeah they disappeared three there's two tiny ones so so two medium ones
[764.7s] coming from behind five medium and two large kind of
[768.2s] coming and flanking from the north and flint you're up first
[772.2s] uh all right are they how far away are they
[775.5s] uh it's 30 feet to the perimeter from the center where you
[778.7s] are so they're within 30 feet but are they within 25 feet we're gonna
[784.4s] say that you do you want to walk ahead five feet
[788.0s] though well we're gonna say their dwarfs don't have super duper movement
[793.0s] so i need to know if they're within 25 feet we're gonna say they have
[795.9s] charged out five to ten feet depending on which
[799.4s] one you're going for you have run to blanket an
[802.9s] individual um now the two of you were the three
[807.6s] of you were sleeping so armor wise where are you at
[813.8s] uh i feel like flint's pretty adept at sleeping in his armor
[817.8s] yeah i mean i was on next watch so i don't think i would have like
[821.8s] fully geared down because i would have been getting up soon
[824.8s] i'm gonna write a note here that flint is gonna start experiencing
[828.4s] exhaustion for sleeping in his armor
[833.6s] not today how refreshed you'd be had you been sleeping naked like you
[837.0s] really wanted to well thea won't let me do that anymore
[840.5s] all right what do you want to do uh yeah i guess i'll uh
[846.1s] charge forward and hack and slash at these mofos
[850.0s] okay you're going for one of the bigger ones or one of the medium size
[852.7s] ones i will go for one of the bigger ones all
[855.0s] right so yeah like i said seven you know seven to eight feet tall
[860.1s] wide across the bigger ones have long tails that are
[864.5s] holding a mushroom weird i don't like the look of that
[870.0s] mushroom tail so i'm gonna try to stay like
[872.7s] directly in front of said large hippopotamate okay is that what we
[880.2s] settle on that's what you settle on yeah hippopotamate
[884.1s] yeah that's the one all right uh all right i pull out my
[888.5s] long sword and i say the magic word of moist
[891.9s] all right and my first attack is
[899.0s] a 23 uh 23 will hit all right weird 23 hits an unarmored monkey
[909.2s] it's crazy right it's really big all right
[916.3s] that is 14 damage as it takes your hit it recoils
[926.2s] and then thrusts its belly at you for a 26 to hit that'll hit does it
[935.0s] help that i did cold damage to it i mean it doesn't help specifically
[941.4s] i just you never know with some of these monsters
[945.5s] as it belly thrusts you feel its hard nipples on you as it thrusts its chest
[949.9s] at you all right and you're gonna take 23
[953.5s] bludgeoning damage oh shit and you're knocked five feet back
[958.2s] thea chooses not to join the battle
[962.1s] uh you said 23 yes sir okay i'm gonna opt out
[967.1s] well thea watches from the sidelines just like they got this
[971.4s] uh i guess i will attack again all right
[977.3s] that is an 18 that too will hit okay
[984.6s] that is 11 damage um it it takes your hit and then rolls into your your attack
[993.7s] and bends over and grabs its knees and its tails lift up and a plume of noxious gas comes out from
[1001.6s] its behind it farts at him make a constitution saving throw oh my god
[1008.6s] just can't even right now what what is happening uh constitution saving throw all right
[1015.5s] i have advantage against poison by the way uh it's not specifically poison
[1020.7s] oh okay well that is a 22 okay you're fine you're it stinks it's noxious it's gross
[1028.2s] you retch a little bit yeah perfect uh well that tail is uh out and about
[1034.6s] do it i'm gonna slice it off of it with a 22 attack on that one okay yep sure so you're
[1043.1s] going to slice the tail off yeah like the little mushroom and it's gonna i'm just gonna
[1048.4s] hack that right off do it uh that is 17 damage so the tail comes off mushroom and tail drop to
[1058.1s] the ground as it shrieks a hideous grunting holler margaret you are up so the people below are
[1068.2s] panicking um do i see any of them even in any condition to like protect those who are like
[1076.4s] what's christo doing how's he how's he handling this uh christo was in one of the tents so he
[1081.2s] ran out kind of similar time to flint and Lex and yourself um he is trying to calm some of
[1088.6s] the people he was one of the ones to go grab his weapons but as he sees flint rush out
[1093.4s] and you fly up he kind of is trying to take stock of some of the people that are more panicked
[1099.7s] okay um so i think i'm gonna fly down and land next to flint um and and yell to christo like
[1106.6s] as i go by like stay between us and these people and i'm gonna try to
[1114.2s] hit the one that uh flint is fighting all right uh so 28 oh uh yes yes that will hit
[1123.8s] that would be nine and i don't suppose that this thing happens to be a fiend or undead
[1129.2s] uh it is not actually there so you come down and strike down with your mace as this ape is
[1138.5s] kind of rolling through some of the the the damage that flint was dealing jumps up and tries
[1144.1s] to belly thrust you uh that's gonna be a 21 to hit yes 12 bludgeoning damage and you are knocked
[1154.3s] back five feet um and you too have three actions per round so you can attack two more times uh yeah
[1163.8s] so i think i will do that i'll step forward again and take a swing at it because this is
[1168.5s] one of them and i've seen flint i don't know him uh but if the stories that he's told me
[1173.6s] of what they have done are true and this one is still standing that's not good news
[1177.3s] okay 15 15 will hit and that will be seven tell me what happens when you kill this first yeah
[1192.0s] uh i margaret leaps forward again after getting knocked backwards and holds her shield a little
[1198.2s] higher and hits at the uh kind of the underside of the belly um worked because it was very hard
[1205.8s] at the top and so she thinks like oh if i can get it from below and uh it just kind of collapses
[1210.6s] to the ground out of air um and she slams the shield down on his head it deflates and
[1217.1s] a noxious cloud comes up and out of it make a constitution saving throw and its response to
[1224.0s] what um to a noxious cloud that came out of the deflating gorilla pole okay uh so like a
[1233.1s] a stinking cloud or a harmful gas or vapor yes okay i have um advantage on those oh i like it
[1243.8s] that's so specific i'm glad it came in yeah i just bought a bunch of random items that i
[1250.5s] thought oh if you encountered various monsters around the world here are the things you would
[1253.8s] have randomly found uh so that is a 23 uh yes it is it is certainly stinky i uh well i mean it
[1263.1s] depends what your thing does maybe you don't even smell it i'm not sure how your item works
[1266.7s] specifically but uh you certainly don't take any ill effects from it other than it being a
[1272.3s] stinking cloud margaret looks at flint and he goes wasn't me um so you have one more attack
[1278.5s] um you flew down so you'd still have walk or run speed walk speed to get to probably you
[1288.6s] could make it to one of the medium sized ones um i think i'm going to stay where i am okay in
[1296.2s] case any of them get closer to the the camp okay uh we could say you would uh ready that
[1303.2s] action so if one on its turn comes close to you you can ready to hit that as it's coming
[1308.7s] towards you okay okay and then we are to the apes the remaining large one um if you went to
[1318.5s] that one the other one was on a farther side rushes towards the encampment and begins to try
[1324.1s] and get some of the frantic people um and it attacks uh with its fists
[1332.6s] uh one misses but one of the town's people one of the soldiers so to speak quote unquote
[1339.0s] um takes a fist uh hard in the chest um and Lex you're close enough that you would hear
[1347.0s] bone crunching as this person falls to the ground um the medium ones one is going to at
[1354.2s] least one is definitely going to rush towards you uh and flint margaret so you may take your
[1359.0s] attack as it approaches a natural 20 all right so you roll your die your damage dice twice
[1367.4s] and then add your modifiers once uh 18 all right tell me what happens when you kill this
[1375.6s] smaller damn god mark right there really right taking them down fuck with betty white um i think
[1383.0s] that she hears that sound from inside the camp of that larger one and just the the rage the
[1390.3s] frustration of something having gotten past them she just takes it out on the closest one and
[1395.8s] so it's just straight in the face perfect um it drops to the ground as two more rush over
[1404.4s] to you one attacking uh margaret one attacking flint so the attacks on margaret two fists
[1411.6s] um first one is going to be a seven next one is 21 uh 21 hits okay then you are going to take
[1419.8s] six bludgeoning damage from one of the fists of this creature flint uh 15 and 12 neither of
[1427.3s] those hit i don't think both are bad all right uh both let out a stinking noxious odor cloud
[1437.4s] um you don't smell it because you have special things flint you're gonna have to make a
[1442.6s] constitution saving throw again okay thank god con is one of my good ones that is a 19
[1451.5s] you're fine four more rush to the encamp two tour or one towards Lex the other three
[1457.9s] towards townsfolk uh the ones uh rushing towards the townsfolk each get a punch
[1465.7s] off but don't drop the townspeople and then the one towards Lex that is not good 11 and a nine
[1474.3s] uh nope okay carla's like right i'm Lex yeah uh thea you were uh what i thought he needed me to add
[1483.0s] those together and i was like no i don't do the math no you just give me the end number um okay
[1488.5s] well could we possibly say that while this is happening i've been slinking through tall
[1495.3s] grass toward the fight yes thank you i appreciate that because had he made me take a turn
[1501.5s] take a turn just like running through a field i probably would have tipped a table or something
[1508.7s] he would have been like and that's your turn
[1513.3s] so i'm gonna try to cold breath okay i do not that's my turn i have to make a dexterity
[1522.5s] saving throw so i oh do i have to recharge it if i do oh that's only after i use it
[1529.2s] right because that's what it means so you're okay i i want to find a big one
[1535.8s] uh there's one big one in the camp yeah yep okay so dexterity saving throw yes please yep
[1544.5s] nine 12 so no good so you take four d8 cold damage yeah it's getting chilly up in her
[1553.0s] four that's a one that's a two guys we're getting there okay that's another two
[1567.0s] and that's a five so ten cold damage did this just spit ice cubes at at the
[1574.1s] kind of yeah a blast of freezing wind and a 15-foot cone um okay uh it is chilly fLex
[1582.6s] sorry does it take my damage yeah okay you're just like it's local well hey um i am going
[1591.9s] to use a bonus action to cast searing smite okay and then i am going to attack the one
[1599.4s] that tried to attack me with my great sword so that is how great is it it's pretty great
[1607.7s] pretty great that's a great roll that's not even credit no it's plus 10 so that is going to be
[1617.9s] 10 uh stabbing damage but then also it will get three fire damage okay as your uh blade yes
[1631.2s] blade strikes in and ignites some of the fur the ape lets out a bellow and drops to the ground
[1638.3s] seemingly unconscious great well i'm going to move on oh unconscious okay well let's finish
[1643.9s] that well do i care i mean it drops to the ground it i don't know i'm going to move on
[1648.6s] to another one because maybe maybe they talk and we could interrogate it after i could tie
[1655.3s] it up and throw it in a river throw it in a river okay next attack is an 18
[1661.8s] on whatever other one is closest to me so that is going to be six plus so 10 11 damage
[1669.1s] on that one that one is also dead great well let's go for a third one then okay
[1675.7s] okay so describe this kind of pass through that you do here so you haven't made it to the big one
[1691.5s] but you've taken out three of the more medium sized ones yeah i think hearing the sound of
[1696.5s] that creature break the villagers like clavicle or whatever it did like really made me like
[1704.3s] all my protective instincts come out so i am just like not raging in a dnd way but in a normal way
[1710.6s] and i'm just like cutting through and i am trying to make my way to that big one because
[1716.6s] i want to take down the biggest meanest creature there is so i'll i'll knock all
[1720.9s] these little guys out of the way on my way to that big one okay it's the people's turn
[1725.9s] and the majority of them are well a couple of them are were engaged in combat but you have
[1736.5s] amended that for them and they are busy trying to stop some of the people from running back
[1742.5s] into the forest or are running with them christo is moving he has finished helping somebody
[1750.8s] sending them to a more safe vantage point and he's going to charge towards
[1755.4s] the larger ape creature with thea and that's a natural 20 he swings with his sword i don't like
[1765.1s] that pass he's not going to hit you i mean it's going to hit christos our friend he's a good guy
[1773.4s] oh right so that's going to be you think russ just named one of the hippo waves don't know
[1779.8s] how embarrassing that they had the same name too right make really awkward they both look
[1785.3s] when you call them uh that's going to be 18 slashing damage i guess he's not as useless
[1790.3s] as we thought he was yeah take it back christo back to the top flint uh who's nearby still
[1797.8s] some of these medium-sized boys yeah there's one on each you and margaret all right i'll
[1802.2s] take a choppy choppy at the one that's on me okay uh that is a 20 but not critical right yep
[1813.0s] uh 10 damage on that one you you cut into it deep it's bleeding out and it drops to the
[1818.6s] ground it's still uh it's still crying out in pain all right we'll take a second action to
[1825.5s] just finish the job do you need me to roll you you get advantage on it it's prone all right
[1834.3s] it's up i mean is 17 enough do i need to roll again no you're good
[1838.9s] in case it was a crit thought i would uh yeah so 17 uh yeah i put my foot on its back and
[1845.4s] just like run my sword through it uh it in a swift clean cut it stops any noise it's making
[1855.5s] and i turn and uh take a chop at the one that is attacking margaret okay
[1863.0s] 23 yes sir oh that's full damage 17 tell me how you kill it i mean essentially same thing i
[1874.0s] kind of trip it put my weight on it run it through it worked so well on the last one it's
[1879.0s] clean it's humane it's uh it works it's bob barker approves
[1887.2s] okay anything else movement or otherwise there's no none immediately around you so if you were
[1891.3s] to move you would not be invoking opportunity uh i'll move about 10 feet closer to the big
[1896.0s] one that's left okay margaret your turn uh i think seeing Lex and cristo with the big one
[1903.6s] i'm gonna rush over to it uh how far away is it uh you can definitely make it this turn
[1910.6s] so yeah within 30 uh and i'm gonna get next to cristo uh and swing my my mace at it okay
[1921.3s] uh 23 yes sir and i think it being in the middle of camp um
[1929.6s] um i do nine damage but i'm actually gonna spend two of my
[1936.9s] my superiority points okay um because as a monster hunter um if i spend two i don't have to roll
[1944.2s] them they are just the top number but i have to spend two so it's actually 29 points
[1950.8s] 29 points of damage yes yeah all right margaret that is a handy ass thing to have
[1959.2s] okay so describe to me this move as you come over and strike this thing down um i think it's very
[1965.5s] similar to the last big one that we took down that margaret runs up behind it and slides
[1970.7s] underneath it and is able to hit that weak spot right underneath its belly um before it gets
[1976.4s] real hard where it's been attacking us and it collapses to the ground and she brings the
[1980.1s] shield down again so we picture betty white like ninja sliding underneath this large hippo
[1988.3s] ape creature driving your mace up into it and as you hit it it hollers and looks down at you
[1998.0s] and beats its chest releases a noxious gas um but then all of the other ones and this one
[2006.4s] in in unison just like the large one that you saw from behind them lightning erupts and
[2015.3s] they are pulled into you see the light leave this large creature's eyes as it's being sucked back
[2022.9s] up into this lightning all of them have disappeared you're out of combat now
[2030.2s] well that's a hell of a thing um can i go and cure or yeah i want to cure that
[2037.0s] guy's busted bones yeah you walk over and he's he's still alive but like
[2044.7s] gagging blood you know coming up he's grasping his chest as you approach um okay i am going to
[2053.5s] kind of kneel beside him and i am going to cast cure wounds that's my spell casting ability
[2064.9s] so cristo margaret and thea are all within sight and range of this um
[2074.1s] uh it is just um not mass cure wounds sorry friends i'm just gonna hear this guy uh seven
[2082.4s] plus five is 12 so he gets healed for 14 points of damage and as i do that my other knee kind
[2091.4s] of comes down and i like have to kind of catch myself a little bit you see this energy pass
[2098.8s] from Lex into this man and everybody within sight and earshot hear the bones crunch back
[2108.0s] together as they reform and assemble and the blood stops coming out of his mouth and he's the
[2116.0s] panic leaves his eyes as he looks up and says they thank you i trot up beside Lex and offer
[2125.6s] myself as support so that he can lean on my big furry body to get up that's nice and then
[2133.6s] i just say it's thea bt dubbs because i realize that we haven't talked since i left and
[2140.5s] um i guess
[2148.1s] why is it so mysterious russ now they're all just gone again you guys when i was out in the woods
[2155.0s] i saw where that first big monkey thing came from and it was inside a tent
[2164.2s] oh so it was in a tent it was in a tent before it burned that tent down
[2174.8s] do you think one of the villagers turned it hey cristo is everyone accounted for the creature
[2181.3s] appeared from within a tent so is one of your people missing did one of your people um let
[2187.6s] let me uh let me go check you see people kind of as as things are calming down coming back
[2193.3s] from the tree line and those that had weapons are um are kind of doing i'll just do it i'll
[2198.7s] do a count and and let you know and he runs off to go do that it's either that or they're
[2206.2s] popping up through some sort of portal through some sort of i don't know well i mean they
[2213.6s] disappeared via lightning maybe they arrive that way too is it lightning or are they being sent
[2221.9s] to different places because i feel like they were being called back
[2230.4s] all at once when the big ones died and then they all left at once it seems like a strategic
[2235.2s] retreat the big one the the real big one it wasn't entirely this but it seemed like it had
[2244.1s] elements of of the fae i don't know if you've all dealt with them i haven't had a whole lot
[2249.7s] of run-ins but it was like a a hodgepodge of different animals and it was very distinctly
[2262.0s] angry nature is the best way i can describe it thea nods her head there's some
[2266.7s] fucked up creatures in the fae i wouldn't be surprised at all but how did it get here
[2271.4s] what is it doing here did you notice did the lightning strike before it appeared or after
[2277.8s] did i notice that the lightning struck before or after um you saw
[2284.6s] the lightning appear from within the tent setting the tent ablaze and then it kind of
[2291.0s] burned down around it the lightning seemed to have come first and then as the tent burned
[2301.8s] away from the lightning there was you know as i have i have to give props a wonderfully
[2309.7s] fabulous entrance but
[2317.7s] i don't know maybe flint's right maybe they're coming and leaving through the lightning somehow
[2323.0s] oh christo comes back and he says i mean some of some people are injured but it
[2330.4s] it seems like every everybody's here whose tent is that and or whose tent rather was there
[2336.5s] there's no tent left to be that um that was leroys and veronicas and jugheads
[2347.0s] um you know it was just we none none of us are very important if that's what you're getting
[2359.7s] at i mean we're all important in our own special unique flay we're all we're all unique
[2364.0s] snowflakes as our parents have taught us um but did he say fae get him
[2369.0s] him unique way unique way slip of the tongue sorry
[2376.9s] i thought you were going to say in all of our unique flavors and then stopped yourself like
[2382.7s] we're very tasty like little nuggets new problem cannibal everybody you're standing
[2391.8s] around make a perception check margaret and Lex at advantage 18
[2406.6s] so 26 am i relying on hearing or smell by any chance yeah hearing yeah so yeah you advantage
[2416.9s] you're not very up to and this isn't as good so 18 is good okay also 26 26 26 all right the
[2423.4s] 26 is in the group so margaret and Lex you feel like a cold stillness fall over the group
[2433.8s] so
[2443.4s] look up and kind of scan eyes around the camp as you look around you
[2453.0s] you the the trees that were moving naturally with the wind appear to be still at this moment
[2460.5s] the clouds above you begin to swirl
[2471.7s] anybody seen anything like this before and i'm looking at tia in particular
[2480.1s] i look up at the sky in the direction that she's looking
[2483.1s] has thea seen anything like this before it looks like a storm is it a storm are we in
[2487.8s] the eye of a storm is this a hurricane i've read about those one of those elusive forest
[2493.3s] hurricanes yeah it might be an ape nado i'm afraid i love everything about that sentence
[2501.3s] if iron's earring shows up i'm gonna lose my mind ross did you get iron's
[2505.9s] earring to guest star on the podcast three two one there he is
[2510.4s] um no as you look up you i mean it aside from looking like a storm or perhaps a funnel cloud
[2518.9s] forming you haven't specifically seen or felt anything quite like this i would say it's just
[2525.4s] the weather except it's too coincidental and as you say that Lex and margaret make a dexterity
[2535.6s] saving throw with advantage everybody else just a regular dexterity saving throw
[2542.5s] 18 19 16 6 18 19 100 is that your 25 so everybody everybody who rolled below a 19
[2556.2s] oh wait what did cristo do not yeah yeah cristo you're in the same boat as me
[2566.0s] lightning strikes right in the middle of your
[2570.7s] and fans out this crackling energy and it's quickly followed by the beast you saw
[2577.8s] at first as it falls from the sky and lands like a meteor crushing out
[2585.0s] the ground below it throwing the majority of you off to the side Lex you just in the like nick
[2594.7s] of time leap up as this thing hits the ground and manage to just miss the first wave as the
[2603.8s] ground rolls out everybody except Lex is going to take uh 16 bludgeoning damage
[2612.0s] plus 14 lightning damage so a total of 30 damage and you are knocked prone as this
[2619.0s] huge fanged horned gorilla beast stares you down roll for initiative
[2635.0s] now we're here in the middle now we're here it's the middle the middle
[2639.3s] welcome to the gooey center this is where all the goods are it's like the middle of a cinnamon
[2645.6s] roll that very center part where it's all like gooey and sugary and cinnamon you get
[2652.4s] your fingers really sticky but you definitely wait and save for that part at the end yeah
[2658.2s] yay or nay on raisins involved in cinnamon buns sometimes i'm good with i would say not
[2664.7s] a hard no but my preference would be no okay yeah when i when i pick up a cinnamon bun i'm like
[2671.8s] there's probably not raisins in this because i don't put them in there so probably not you know
[2676.6s] when i pick up a cinnamon bun i think to myself this is delicious and wonderful you know what else
[2682.7s] is wonderful our patrons our patrons are our patrons are the best uh over at Patreon.com
[2688.3s] slash dumb dragon cast is where you can find out about all of our uh patronage and that
[2694.8s] yeah that's what they nailed it and um our patrons helped us reach a goal oh and what and
[2700.3s] how and for the reward at that goal okay so we watched moon raker james bond we russ's
[2708.0s] favorite james bond movie we tweaked it in our minds to make it more like austin powers
[2716.3s] and then we played a game faced around all of those facts swirling around in our brain
[2722.2s] and that's what we put down so we played an austin powers themed episode and that's coming
[2727.2s] out as this is released on friday which is february 7th and we can't wait and if that
[2732.5s] combination sounds insane to you it is just wait till you hear the episode it's nuts uh
[2739.0s] feel free to watch moon raker first then you'll be like what and then you'll listen
[2743.5s] and you'll be like no what the way i like to picture it is you go you listen to the episode
[2749.5s] it's available for patrons five dollars and up Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
[2754.2s] you go you listen to the episode and then you're like what the fuck why were they thinking
[2759.4s] that this would be a good thing and then you go back and you watch moon raker like
[2763.9s] and then it all makes sense because the source material was so elevated that yeah of course
[2769.7s] we nailed it i'm on a horse every every story piece in that movie but you can go find that
[2775.4s] over at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast the episode friday but you can become a patron today
[2781.0s] absolutely you can thank you for considering it next week we've got a special bonus episode
[2787.2s] our patrons at a specific tier on Patreon you can join us to play a game around the table
[2793.8s] not an austin powers game although maybe if that's what you know definitely oh no please
[2798.6s] but we have a game time tier and you can check out the details next week we're going to release
[2803.5s] one of those uh sessions that we recorded with one of our patrons to show you how much fun we
[2808.5s] have with you and hopefully you can have fun with us um sorry i'm just hung up on on the
[2815.1s] if they ask for an austin powers theme you are opening yourself up to a world of possibilities
[2822.6s] my friend i'm we're gonna be honest with you it's a higher up tier but because of that suggestions
[2829.7s] are welcome and i will plan them maybe if somebody else is dm they won't plan them but
[2835.0s] i i love you more than they do whoa there it is there it is all right ah yeah so that's
[2842.4s] what we're gonna leave you on hopefully you have a wonderful day just to summarize you know
[2847.4s] it austin powers sorry not sorry rust loves you more come play games with us
[2856.3s] that's a very good summary you're just amazing that was it so good i think instead of the
[2863.6s] montage of edits that you do at every start of the episode we should just have amy
[2867.9s] do a succinct recap yeah i like it anyways back to the episode thanks everybody Patreon
[2874.1s] dot com slash jump dragon cast please go check it out so margaret you're up first so you're prone
[2883.0s] so to stand up takes half of your movement you were knocked just five feet out so not far from
[2889.0s] the beast but uh you are currently prone staring down this large beasts face to face
[2896.3s] yeah i'm gonna get up and reach into my pack and uh drink a potion
[2905.2s] okay healing potion whiskey isn't it yeah it is a little liquid courage
[2913.1s] uh so i'll heal 16 okay um what kind of what is the scene in in front of us now
[2921.1s] you know this thing has hit ground zero is it blowing everybody back essentially
[2924.9s] yeah so everybody except Lex Lex seems to have jumped up and is still standing
[2929.4s] weapon drawn i presume everybody else uh in the immediate vicinity the the larger group was off
[2936.3s] to the side um and panicked and fled for the most part i mean pretty much everybody uh
[2943.3s] christo is seemingly unconscious um the beast is standing before you the ground around you
[2949.8s] is torn up uh very much like when you found flint the and Lex originally
[2956.3s] kind of that earthquake feel to it um and is considered uh difficult terrain so half movement
[2963.4s] is halved okay um and so this is dnd question um so i used part of my movement to get up
[2972.2s] obviously i i assume i used part of my movement to get in my bag as well
[2976.2s] uh no that would have been a free action okay so yeah you would have used you've got a movement
[2980.3s] of 30 yeah so you've moved 15 or used 15 to stand up so you still have 15 difficult terrain
[2986.9s] like you you're you're within still within range okay um so i'm going to um activate my
[2995.0s] my boots again and fly up next to Lex so as i get next to Lex i'm gonna raise my shield and
[3001.9s] swing at this thing and see how sturdy it is compared to the other two styles we've seen okay
[3011.0s] sturdier than that i assume uh 17 uh 17 hits but just barely
[3018.7s] seven so you strike in with your mace again i assume yeah and it
[3024.6s] it it it hits but the the beast doesn't seem to move or flinch based on this attack um it barely
[3036.1s] even draws any blood like it's a scrape you hit kind of its arm from where you're standing
[3041.6s] so you don't really see much damage below its fur um yeah seeing that this hasn't had much
[3047.6s] effect i'm i'm gonna try again okay
[3053.0s] no i'm not that would be a nine you know what thought about it you don't want to do it that
[3058.9s] will not change my mind i'm just scuffing up this mace let me rethink this okay um it kind
[3065.5s] of just glares down at you and grunts as flint you move into position all right how far away
[3072.1s] am i uh you were knocked five feet back from the epicenter so i mean you're within
[3079.0s] your yeah you're five feet out from where it is okay uh yeah i will also stand up
[3086.0s] that seems like a good course of action okay um and i'll move towards where margaret and Lex
[3094.1s] are you can make it within range you're not going to be able to cluster with them but
[3098.9s] you'll be within a few feet from them what if i dashed over to them yeah we'll say you can make
[3104.1s] it okay um if it's now engaged with with margaret and i'm guessing Lex via proximity
[3112.8s] uh i'm gonna come at it from a slightly different angle so like wherever i would have been you
[3117.7s] know 10 feet away from them i'll go at it from that angle just to spread out the love
[3122.5s] a little bit and i will uh swing my moist tongue long sword at it okay uh that is a 24 uh that
[3132.5s] will hit right that is eight cold damage and then five extra so 13 in total got it same
[3143.3s] sort of thing as before does it look like it got hurt does it look like it paid attention
[3148.0s] at all to my blow kind of like winces i guess a little bit but not like it took a huge hit
[3158.5s] okay um what else do i have that's like maybe more fun to do than just hacking away at it
[3167.4s] probably not much i'm just a fighter
[3169.5s] uh yeah i guess i'll uh i guess i'll go for it again like oh we have a group of
[3177.5s] it's a lot of fighters slashers yeah uh 16 i don't think that's gonna hit
[3184.0s] no sir and we'll do third attack 24 again uh yeah
[3189.8s] uh nine damage on that one okay at the end of your turn it uh moves without provoking
[3199.8s] opportunity attack it leaps up into the air and back 40 feet so away from what would make sense
[3209.9s] i'll run bitch uh moves towards the group of people so it's about 10 feet from the group
[3217.9s] of people and lands on the ground it is its turn it turns and looks back at your group
[3227.0s] and then charges towards the crowd of now running and fleeing people they've kind of
[3235.0s] spread out so it's not going to get all of them but they must make uh i'm going to make
[3241.4s] fist attack i'll run in a serpentine pattern that's uh that's a 30
[3250.8s] when they think you're gonna say so luckily we've learned it's vindictive
[3255.0s] right fuck you guys i'm going after the innocent people it charges into two of them
[3259.7s] and you just hear bones crushing as it barrels through two people to one of those
[3264.5s] people that Lex just finished healing up not specifically that one was the trip really
[3270.4s] necessary um it is now 60 feet away from you damn it um and it is this turn dash doubles my
[3281.9s] speed yes and it's 60 feet away it is yeah 40 20 60 feet away yeah great i'm gonna dash
[3292.0s] okay because i wanted kill it because i hate it um i also am going to um use a superiority die to do
[3304.8s] a fainting attack which if this attack succeeds will be handy okay um is 29 okay the attack
[3315.8s] succeeds probably succeeds yeah let me remember i can expend a superiority die to add the total
[3325.1s] to my damage roll okay and then i also will have advantage on my next attack okay so that
[3334.2s] is no god i wish i got to roll a d20 it's my superiority down right so it's 13 damage
[3343.3s] on that first attack okay and you have advantage on the next on the next attack which i well i'll
[3350.2s] take it it was a 19 but okay no i'll take the 19 so that'll be a 29 okay uh six that's 10 damage
[3361.7s] and then i will attack one more time oh my god how many actions you have can i borrow some
[3367.8s] 18 18 hits right you said 17 yes uh five nine damage
[3376.6s] okay does it react to any of that is anything happening yeah so you run up behind it because
[3382.6s] it was charging towards these people and you're striking into it um you manage to it does not
[3388.2s] have fur on its hind quarters um you manage to draw blood and it raises a foot and launches
[3396.3s] this clawed foot back at you kicking at you it cow kicks you um uh that's gonna be a 29
[3406.5s] yeah i'll do it that's 14 bludgeoning damage okay dokey at least it doesn't bend over and
[3415.0s] like fart in your face or something yeah at least it's just fighting it's not being rude
[3420.3s] okay i can has turn now it is your turn now okay 60 feet away from you yeah it doesn't
[3425.7s] even matter how far away it is i use a bonus action to turn uh back into my elven self
[3432.9s] okay and i cast moonbeam on this motherfucker but it's a cloudy night
[3441.8s] doesn't matter a silvery beam of pale light shines down in a five foot radius a 40 foot
[3447.0s] high cylinder centered on a point within range range is 120 feet okay when a creature
[3453.2s] enters a spell area for the first time on a turn or starts its turn there it is engulfed
[3458.0s] in ghostly flames that causes searing pain and must make a constitution saving throw
[3462.8s] otherwise it takes eight d 10 radiant damage constitution 15 fail
[3472.1s] sorry yeah yeah get them yeah a shape shifter hold on i don't know if this is important or
[3477.2s] not but maybe it is read it a shape shifter makes its saving throw with disadvantage
[3482.5s] still stands if it fails it also instantly reverts to its original form and can't assume a different
[3488.3s] form until it leaves the spell's light it is the same shape as when you did before it's worth a
[3494.1s] shot i mean yeah and on each of my turns after this i can just move this beam so that it is
[3500.1s] back on you how far can you move it 60 feet in any direction but the monkey doesn't know
[3505.4s] that so it won't move 61 feet in any direction you can't i'm just saying it just won't
[3514.3s] my daughter just so we're clear the monkey will not be doing
[3521.2s] so many details here's that listeners i get to roll damage all zeros all zeros all zeros
[3527.4s] oh okay wasn't all zeroes hoping for all zeroes because the zeroes are tens right i was
[3538.7s] okay so there's ten guys is russell bad dm i don't know does rus know how to play dnd
[3545.0s] i always assumed it was us that's why he never rolls d10s because he thinks he's getting zero
[3549.4s] three thirty one thirty eight radiant damage suck it okay uh no tell me what it looks like
[3561.0s] as it hits uh just seemingly out of nowhere parting the clouds i don't think it actually
[3568.3s] goes up that high it's only 40 foot high um but just a blinding light blue and icy come
[3576.2s] shooting down from the sky directly over top of this fucked up monkey it hollers
[3583.6s] loud and it echoes and bounces off the trees and back around you it begins to charge towards
[3589.8s] you moving 20 feet kind of just barreling past Lex and towards you and i trip it on its way i
[3599.4s] put my foot out no okay we're back opportunity attack oh you said it doesn't zero i stick a
[3605.0s] opportunity it's a little bicycle right did rust not mention it's on a tiny bicycle
[3614.6s] back to margaret uh can i get to tia before the gorilla you can get to the yeah yeah so the
[3624.6s] it charged forward uh about 20 feet um so it's another 40 feet away so you yeah it's your
[3631.6s] turn so you could make it to thea yep okay uh yeah i want to fly over to thea and i'm gonna
[3638.0s] touch her and uh touch her on the shoulder and now she has protection from evil and good
[3645.2s] and so any fake creature attacking has disadvantage when attacking her interesting
[3651.8s] having seen this thing her do something in it yeah okay awesome okay so margaret's got so
[3659.8s] many tricks we've never seen does that count as an action a bonus action does it say uh that
[3667.4s] is a spell that i get it is under um oh i see spells spells protection from good and evil one
[3675.2s] action so yeah you still have two other actions to do something can't cast another spell but
[3681.5s] um if you have some sort of yeah range attack or so i think that uh after i land next to her and i
[3691.0s] touch her and cast a spell on her i'm gonna kind of put my hands on my knees for a second and
[3696.2s] breathe heavy and i'm gonna use my second wind uh to get some hit points back okay
[3702.1s] okay uh so that'll be 24 um and then i'm just going to ready an action to hit it
[3711.9s] if it gets over here perfect okay um it is a flint yeah it was just here for a second
[3723.2s] uh i'm gonna make my way over towards thea and margaret as well being as that seems to be
[3729.8s] where that giant ape monster is going to uh but along the way i'm gonna throw my dwarf and
[3735.3s] thrower at it several times cool cool cool cool cool cool it is cool it's a 23 uh yeah okay
[3746.4s] and that'll be 14 damage on the first one okay
[3751.6s] that is a 31 so i think that's gonna hit you've gone too high i mean it's a plus
[3758.4s] 13 bonus for us he's extreme who gave you that item fuck uh no comment idiot dm a benevolent
[3767.8s] game master that's uh that's 11 damage on the next one sure yeah
[3774.4s] oh rolled it off the table hang on that's a nat 20 if that happens right and that is a 19
[3781.8s] i rolled a six that time guys
[3783.4s] oh my goodness at least you can't miss and that is 15 damage
[3794.2s] what exclamation was that okay so everybody's crowding around thea you let fly your hammer
[3803.3s] it zings back again and again and you're hitting this beast as it's running towards you you
[3810.3s] hear muscles tearing bones crunching as it's screaming towards you it gets within 20 feet
[3820.1s] and it jumps up into the air uh it rolls into a ball and it comes crashing down
[3829.7s] directly about 10 feet in front of you each of you uh except for Lex because you're farther
[3838.3s] back can make a strength or dexterity saving throw your choice i mean i'm gonna pick the
[3845.5s] one with the plus five bonus russ i get it seems like a good strategy that is a 24 okay 23 okay
[3855.0s] 13 okay the 24 and the 23 succeed the 13 does not but i have protection
[3862.1s] what does that do for me target has advantage oh you have advantage on
[3865.3s] okay gosh see i'm glad i asked oh oh 17 uh that's an 18 sorry 15 plus three is 18
[3875.0s] 18 still does not help oh fuck i know so close so close so glad we looked up all that information
[3880.9s] about this spell you never know it might have worked it was very close um the earth heaves
[3886.6s] up in front of you and a burst of lightning comes out shocking through uh those that don't
[3893.1s] save take full damage those that do save take half damage so looking forward to this full damage
[3898.0s] i'm gonna take 18 bludgeoning damage for full damage so nine for half and another 16 lightning
[3906.4s] damage and thea you are knocked prone uh so that's eight and nine so 17 for those who take
[3916.6s] half and you are not knocked prone i'm gonna use my reaction to use shield master evasion
[3923.4s] which just lets me on a dexterity saving throw if it's half damage take none because i get
[3927.9s] the shield up in front okay yep then you take none awesome it stands up and reaches to the
[3935.0s] sky and lightning begins to call down to its hands it is uh Lexus churn dope so you are
[3944.4s] it jumped 20 ran within 10 so you're 50 feet from it come on how can i yeah he went to his
[3954.9s] mind palace to get those numbers didn't you see yeah totally uh and you dash more than once
[3962.9s] you can't but it uses an action each time doesn't it is that how dashing works yeah
[3968.2s] oh you can only dash once lame okay i don't fucking know dash i don't know yeah but i
[3973.0s] think as long as you're taking up an action to do it are you asking just in general or like
[3977.8s] just on your turn um so yeah just in general um you can't hold on you can't dash again
[3984.4s] until you move zero so you dashed on your last turn so if you move zero this turn you can dash
[3989.9s] on your next turn or you can move up to your full speed right now and not dash again until
[3995.0s] you move zero because they assume you got to where you wanted to get and you can just kind
[3999.4s] of stand they didn't account for the jumping monkeys the jumping monkeys the wind sprints i
[4004.4s] was trying to do in the middle of this battle um okay then i guess i will throw a hand axe at
[4013.8s] it but bear with me because i think i can do another thing also aim for the butt right
[4021.2s] i mean that was right that was a different character choice but you know whatever
[4024.2s] um yeah i'm gonna use another superiority die for distracting strike so i'll get to add the
[4033.2s] superiority die to my damage and then the next attack roll i'll have um sorry the next attack
[4040.5s] roll against the target by an attacker other than me will have an it will have advantage so
[4046.6s] the next person that attacks it will have advantage okay so i am going to throw a
[4052.4s] hand axe at it that is a 20 not a not the good one seven that is 13 damage i have another hand
[4067.7s] axe so i'm gonna throw that one too that is 20 again and that is 15 damage so both of these
[4080.6s] axes fly through the air and stick into the posterior side of this beast great well i have
[4090.0s] one more attack so why not throw the dagger too let's just see how many i can how many weapons i
[4095.3s] can have hanging out of this out of this ding dong uh 22 and 12 damage okay and so
[4106.3s] yeah and then so the next person who doesn't attack has advantage um okay it um as it's
[4112.9s] getting stuck with and it's reaching up to the sky it begins to move away from everybody
[4122.2s] it's running towards the trees full speed so it moves 40 feet towards i mean we already
[4129.7s] said it's 30 feet from it so it makes it to the trees do my weapons fall out of it as it
[4134.4s] runs away yeah we'll say the muscles loosen them and they fall on the way be sad if i lost all
[4140.4s] those nice weapons i got in that small but weaponful town uh thea you're up it is running
[4147.4s] so it how far is it from where the beam was before that's my important question so it was
[4153.6s] 50 and then it ran another 40 closer to you guys so it is pythagorean theorem
[4162.8s] a squared plus b squared equals it's too far away fucking hate you i can't do anything fun okay
[4169.8s] equals 61 feet exactly math i mean it had been established it was not allowed to run more than
[4180.1s] 60 feet away i mean i can't help you know you you know hurting it and wanting to flee now
[4187.4s] okay well i'm gonna let it go not the monkey but my beam back to the frozen songs
[4195.4s] you have no idea so how you said it's 30 feet from me
[4204.2s] uh it was 50 from actually and then it moved i did the math and it's 64 feet away
[4209.0s] okay from the beam from the beam which sucks you're the worst yeah because you could have
[4217.0s] just said it reached but whatever it's not like you're married to me or anything and
[4222.2s] there will be consequences that's good okay how far is it from me uh 50 feet okay
[4227.9s] okay
[4232.0s] it's kind of funny come on i run toward it 20 feet okay it's in the trees by 10 feet
[4245.1s] so obscured vision i'm not sure what you're trying fine i run into the wood so i can see it
[4251.9s] okay yes sure you dash no because i won't be able to do any spells if i dash yeah yeah so you get
[4260.3s] to the edge of the trees yeah good okay so even if i can just see part of its hairy ass
[4265.3s] running away from me you see it's bleeding anus oh no wow i'm sure it doesn't want to just
[4272.8s] have us kill it to put it out of its misery right well dagger right up right up the old
[4277.3s] bumhole okay anyway uh on this fleeing behind that i see i cast blight upon it at fourth level
[4287.9s] okay so necromancy energy washes over this monkey ass motherfucker um draining moisture
[4295.8s] and vitality from it
[4300.6s] i'm sure it's all coming from the bum uh target must make a constitution saving throw
[4306.2s] 13 yep that won't do it so it's going to take 11 d8 damage damn i don't have that many d8s
[4315.4s] give me a moment do you need us to roll some d8s for you yeah we can also roll for you group
[4319.9s] roll team rule i mean it's kind of a it's like a team building exercise if we all
[4327.6s] roll all the d8s i have three available i'm not gonna i also have three i'm not gonna lie
[4332.7s] to you i'm gonna say no only because i never get to deal damage ever that's fair so well yeah
[4338.8s] russa always moves things four feet further from you than he needs i didn't even do it on purpose
[4345.9s] it just worked out that way right subconsciously you were doing the math i knew it quickly it's
[4352.2s] probably actually that's probably true your robot programming oh it's always doing math
[4357.7s] that quickly just outside error
[4362.7s] okay roll them i'm doing it
[4368.6s] okay seven eight nine ten eighteen twenty four twenty seven thirty one
[4378.7s] thirty four and then i have to roll two more so it's thirty four plus ten is forty four necro mantic
[4394.5s] um necrotic necrotic that's the word i was looking for thinking no i think necromanic
[4399.6s] was probably it yeah nailed it right there describe to me what your spell looks like
[4404.2s] i mean it's a shit ton of damage but describe to me you run over to the trees
[4407.3s] what do people see they see me run to the trees and then they see uh like a dark kind of cloud
[4416.2s] that comes from my hands but it has like a like a slick oily look to it and it wraps itself
[4423.8s] around this stupid monkey as it's running away and slowly starts to like squeeze and pulse
[4434.1s] yeah i like the idea of like this this this stuff coming out of your hands and like
[4439.4s] moving through the trees it does damage the foliage as it goes and then grabs grabs hold of
[4448.4s] this creature as it's swinging through the trees and it it's begins to slow as the life
[4457.4s] force is being drained from it and you see it reach for a branch and then begin to fall back
[4464.6s] to the ground but right before it hits you see that same lightning bolt like the minute the
[4475.6s] instant before it thuds to the ground it shoots up and out of the trees and everybody
[4482.1s] sees it shoot above the tree line and this large explosion goes up into the air
[4487.5s] and where there should be an echoing thud there is nothing
[4493.9s] i think thea drops to her knees it takes a lot of energy to
[4497.2s] suck the life out of someone but my hair is shinier so there's that
[4503.0s] that
[4507.0s] you are out of combat from what you saw if it had hit the ground you could presume that it would
[4515.2s] have been dead but was sucked back by something or someone
[4523.8s] doesn't feel like a win if i didn't for sure kill it i get it i think like the night sky
[4529.8s] lighting up and just us standing out there and looking up at the like the cloud that it goes
[4535.0s] back into just oh you gotta fucking be kidding me there's some like wimpy ass bitch somewhere
[4544.9s] throwing monkeys down and then just taking them back i scream out to the universe come
[4551.0s] and fight us yourself
[4556.2s] somewhere else we see a almost a crystal ball within the a
[4568.1s] liquid surface focusing in on thea and we see a hand tapping on the arm of a a chair
[4581.5s] it pens up and to the back of this person and we see in this room the dead body of this creature
[4593.8s] and long white hair the loadiest fucking bros main good as he laughs
[4603.4s] and says i'll be coming for you soon
[4611.0s] the intro song nowhere land is by Kavin mcleod of incompetech.filmmusic.io
[4623.2s] all other music and sound effects can be found at epidemicsound.com a huge thank you to our
[4630.3s] supporting producers christian brown devin michaels gabriel lynch jacob madden joshua dixon and cat
[4638.7s] Waterflame to find out more how you can support Dumbgeons and dragons visit Patreon.com
[4644.6s] slash dumb dragon cast thank you for listening have a great week we'll talk soon
[4650.9s] soon.
[4652.1s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a dumb dragons production.